Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize