Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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