Your face is a jimmy john
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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