i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize