how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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