Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
