their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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