watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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