Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
