dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
