I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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