Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk is not a location!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
