just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
