Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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