You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
