Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
