My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
