Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
