Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
