I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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