im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
