what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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