Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
