dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
