Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
