he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
