you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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