onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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