I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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