I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
