If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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