I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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