Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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