I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
