i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
