I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
