I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
