home. puking in laundry basket.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
