apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
