we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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