you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize