The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
