i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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