people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
