he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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