The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
