Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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