i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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