Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize