guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
