I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
