Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
