hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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