from now on my penis is your penis
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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