So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
