I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
