I just saw a hot homeless man
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
