i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
