next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
