You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize