To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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