Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
