According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
