im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
smell my finger.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize