Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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